Please, Oh Please...

"Don't ask what the world needs. Rather ask: What makes you come alive?

Then go and do it

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

~Howard Thurman

I'm struggling here. Today's my first official day of summer vacation.

But sadly, I'm not busy vacationing. Oh no...unfortunately not. I've been up studying since 7:00.

Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love to learn. But, I'm not really learning anything. I'm going through the motions- memorizing terms, creating neunomic devices, cramming to forget. I truly believe I'd be learning more by sitting down with my books or teaching myself a new stitch or even writing in my journal. I'm really conflicted- like in a serious way. We won't even talk about the thousands of dollars I'm paying to be so miserable.

As I sit at my desk and force myself to "learn" this ridiculous "stuff," my eyes constantly fall upon all the inspirational, creative outlets surrounding me. I have so much to blog about and tons of things I want to make and hundreds of projects I'm ready to embark on.

I'm trying to be positive~ honestly. I really try to find the silver lining in this rotten situation. But, I'll admit, It's a dozy. I'm not too happy, and that, in itself, just makes me sad. I mean, I'm all for sacrifice, but I'm just not seeing it today.

I keep trying to remind myself of how lucky I am to be an educated woman.

And with that final though, I'll be more grateful. I'll try a bit harder. I'll be a tad more optimistic.

Sometimes the Paintbrush Chooses the Colors

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself."

~Galileo

Can I just say that I'm exhausted? Cause I am. Wow.

Those kids drained me today. I taught them about prepositions and introduced them to prepositional phrases. Try explaining prepositions to a captive audience of 12 year olds. Yea-- not happening. They're not too interested. Can you blame them?

It might have required me to dance, act, and sing. I'd die if anyone from my real life would have spied the insanity.

One kid actually said, "I like this preposition stuff. It's fun."

"Well, hallelujah," I secretly sighed.

But, regardless, we learned together. We're ready for day two of prepositions. Good stuff, I tell you.

It looks like next year is going to be bringing some big changes my way. I'm excited. Very, very excited. Who would have ever thought I originally wanted to be a kindergarten teacher? It's funny/interesting/strange/ironic (you choose the word, ok?) how life plays out. I never really saw myself working with older kids. But dare I say that I really like them? They're hysterical and sensitive and they kind of get it.

If nothing else, I am reminded of how very real life is. I'm continually understanding that the picture is big and that sometimes the paintbrush chooses the best, most fitting colors.

I suppose we are all works in progress. I enjoy the adventure and find crazy joy in the mystery surrounding each new day. I mean, if all the gumballs were pink, life would be pretty boring.

I'm off to begin a new chapter, saddle up to a daunting challenge, embrace a crazy big responsibility.... Sometimes, ya just have to jump-- feet first.

....Geronimo!

Plan on Delicious

"The greatest delight the fields and woods minister is the suggestion of an occult relation between man and the vegetable. I am not alone and unacknowledged. They nod to me and I to them."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mind is working over-time these days, planning my herb and vegetable garden. I won't lie- I have some long lists and rather brilliant ideas. But, as space continues to present an issue I'm forced to get creative with my planting.

Although I dream of a huge garden, with tilled earth and composted soil, I'll continue to find joy in watching onions emerge from flowerpots. Gotta make due, right?

So, although this will be my third year of herb gardening, I'm planning on taking it to a new level. I've got myself a folder of recipes, ideas, and crafts (yes- crafts!) that I plan on using my herbs and veggies for.

Today I experimented with this heavenly recipe. I'll be planting extra parsley this summer, because I can see myself whipping this up on a weekly basis. Try it. You'll be in love, too.

Tabouleh (or Tabouli)

1 cup bulgar wheat

a ton of chopped flat leaf parsley

2 tomatoes- chopped finely

a ton of scallions

1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil

1/2 cup fresh lemon juice

a dash of cayenne pepper (optional)

1/2 teaspoon salt

Bring 2 cups of water to a boil and then add bulgar wheat. Remove from heat and cover. Allow to sit for 30 minutes, or until water is absorbed.

Then, make dressing. Pour dressing over bulgar wheat and allow to sit. This will let the dressing absorb.

Finally, mix in the veggies. Chill, then serve.

For The Birds, With Love

"The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply that they have perfect faith, for faith is necessary to have wings."
- James M. Barrie

For months now, I've been collecting my yarn scraps. It amazes me how at much mass these tiny pieces, little remnants of this and that, add up to.

I'd knit and purl and snip. I'd bind-off and finish a project and snip. I'd sew on buttons and snip. Each snip of my childhood Fiskars scissors yielded another morsel of soft nesting goodness.

I don't remember where I saw this idea, but I certainly won't claim it as my own. It might have been in a Birds and Blooms magazine, but I can't say for sure. Either way, right then and there, I decided to start saving my yarnish and stringish scraps.

And save them I did.

A very special jar served as a home to many colorful artifacts of projects gone-bye. One day, when the yarn could no longer be squished or squashed, I decided to begin making my "Nest Helpers".

All this required was a ton of yarn scraps and a few suet holders. My kind of project, wouldn't you agree?

So, the way this works is simple. All you do is save yarn scraps (or other things like twine, ribbon, string) and then stuff the scraps into a suet holder. Easy.

Then, hang the Nest Helper outside and watch as your little feathered friends enjoy choosing their favorite colors and textures to make the perfect, soft, and colorful home.

Pride and Relief

"Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get."

~Dale Carnegie

I've learned that planting bulbs requires extreme patience. Last year, as I planted each tiny bulb with the utmost of care, it hit me that I'd have to wait until Spring to see if I actually completed the task correctly. I'm not always the best with the whole delayed gratification thing, but on this, I had no choice.

I was sure that I had sprinkled just the right amount of bone meal and that I had positioned all the bulbs in the proper way, fat end up.

But, as spring tip-toed into my neighborhood and the days got a bit longer, I noticed that other lawns were dotted with yellow daffodils and that tiny green sprouts were emerging from my neighbors' flowerbeds.

But as much as I scoured the spots of the plantings, my investigations yielded nothing. Zero. Not even one tiny sprout.

Grr. I tossed around feelings of disappointment and failure, wondering how in the world I possibly managed to mess up planting dozens of bulbs. I figured that even if I somehow planted them incorrectly, wrong side up, that somewhere along the line I would have messed-up my messing-up and ended up with a winner.

Then, one day~one happy, happy, day~my eyes landed on a speck of green poking through the ground. Hallelujah!

But, weeks later, although a bit taller, that little green speck was still the only one.

Really? Seriously? For real? I thought. And as quick as they came, those feelings of success were replaced by my feeling as if I need some type of gardening counseling or tutoring.

Shame, oh the shame.

Apparently, good things take time. One morning, as I looked out the window, my eyes were treated to dozens of little shoots, poking through the crunchy dirt. Within days, they were reaching to the sun. And a few days after that, little buds were trying to push open and sing towards Mr. Golden.

Pride and relief washed over me. Whew. That was a close one. I'm happy to report that the lawn looks lovely with its newest additions, and I'm thrilled that I didn't bomb my first try at bulb planting.

Earth Day

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect."

~Chief Seattle, 1855

A few days ago, while I was doing 10,000 things at once, I listened to a television program on MSNBC on the topic of Earth Day and "going green." While I won't go into details of all that I learned, I specifically remember one person saying: "The Earth isn't a thing. Earth is a living being."

For some reason, that notion really struck me. It made me want to be even more kind and gentle to this delicate land I am lucky enough to use and play on.

Therefore, in honor of Earth Day, I began germinating an avocado seed. Why not help oxygenate the air, right? I know. Genius idea! grin

If all goes well, in a few days this seed will crack open and a root will begin to emerge. Hopefully, in due time, I'll be able to move it, along with a few other avocado friends to an outdoor location on my patio. I need to create a few of these little plants in order to produce any of the fruits~ good ol' pollination and such.

So stay tuned to track the progress of my new avocado family. And, don't forget to do your part, too. Take some time to do something nice for this amazing planet!

Seconds, Please.

"We don't need a melting pot in this country, folks. We need a salad bowl. In a salad bowl, you put in the different things. You want the vegetables - the lettuce, the cucumbers, the onions, the green peppers - to maintain their identity. You appreciate differences."
~Jane Elliot Reed

I'm in love with this salad. Me and 'Cucumber-Tomato-Avocado Salad' are True Love Forever. Like, for real.

The avocado and feta definitely upped the ante. I could hardly wait to eat lunch today.

Don't you love days like that, or am I the only one?

Having that yummy lunch to look forward to...well, it totally changes everything.

Signs

"Don't wish it were easier. Wish you were better."

~ Unknown

For about a week I pondered a major decision; a decision I didn't want to make. It was one of those times when I wished someone else would have made it for me, taken the pressure off, and been left holding the bag of blame when things went wrong.

But alas, those tough decisions, those ones that pull at the heart and mind and soul, are usually shouldered by the individual. They're the ones that stimulate personal growth and test character.

Sometimes though, I'm not much in the mood for a character test. Or a lesson in strength. I'd rather grow my herbs or knit a coffee sweater or read a book. Plus, I'm kinda getting into something new, too. And, I'd really like some time to dabble in that as well, ya know?

So, I've been conflicted. It's nothing major, in the scheme of things. It's probably nothing at all to most people- complete pettiness, really. But I really want to get Life right. I don't want those silly regrets or those 'what ifs' hanging around.

As a way of helping me figure things out, I rely on signs. Silly, I know, but that's what I do. I look for them and they guide me, most often-times, in the right direction. But this "sign-finding"-- it takes patience and time. Just last week, however, I saw my sign. I received my answer. And although it wasn't the answer I really wanted, it's the right answer. The correct one. The harder of my two options.

I'm rather baffled at how the "wrong" answer is actually the "right" one. But, it is. I feel very confident and at peace about it. I am content once again.

And the Wheels, They are a Turnin'

"The mountains that make up the Laurel Highlands are home to some of the most pristine hiking and biking trails in all of Pennsylvania."

Yesterday marked the first of many bike rides. It was practically a kick-off to summer.

Grin. Double Grin.

Being on the trail, with my favorite people, on our nifty two-wheeled crafts was simply wonderful. I can't wait for school to let out and to spend my every day on that old railroad path.

It's my new hangout.

Plus, it's quite possible that our little group located the best hummus and sweet potater fries on God's Green Earth.

Nature. Flowers. Wild Chives. Bikes. Breezes.

Conversation. Laughs. Memories

Potted Plants. Puppy Shakers. Delish Food.

Oh those wheels, they are a turnin'.

Looking Up

"God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages."

~Jacques Deval

I've returned from a lengthy run where I enjoyed listening to the pounding of my feet and the swooshing of my pony-tail. I turned off the tunes and lost myself in the steady mantra of breathing.

The rain gently danced on my cheeks, providing the cooling solace my body needed to push on. The entire experience proved overly cathartic, giving me time to think and try out new ideas.

My muscles burn. I probably ran up one too many hills. My feet are a bit sore. It's good though-- I'll rest well. Between the tired muscles and the cool, damp breeze blowing through the house, it's a recipe for good, good sleeping.

Crickets sing outside and their songs carry through, serenading me as I type while a tiny fur person dozes on my feet. It's Heaven, really. I love nights like this.

Great news came today. So happy and blessed.

A Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

Forever, you've spoken of balance and doing that which you truly enjoy. What happened to that? Why did you let it go? Why did you replace your perfectly wonderful life with things that hold no true value? You know better. Is it that urge to accomplish? Perhaps it's those insanely high personal standards? Pish-Posh. Time to reclaim control. It's time to kick the rest to the curb.

You're holding back, though. You have this urge to not quit. You feel like to give in will be to let Life win. And, remember how hard you fought for that? Remember when you just wanted another chance? Yea. You do.

But then you contemplate 'winning' and you question your definition. Perhaps the meaning changes? Maybe winning isn't the same now as when you were 20? You understand that life is short and valuable and that each day counts. You weigh every option and probably think about it too deeply. But you care. You really do. You want to be personally fulfilled, free of regrets.

And then you realize you were a better person, a person with more time for others; a girl who had the time to dream and create and get lost in the stars. And you wonder if that is what 'winning' actually is.

You've had these feelings before. Remember when you drove 6 hours to a job interview, called and canceled, turned around and drove home. You knew. You just knew.

You followed your heart. You've made big decisions before. Life changing ones. And they were not easy.

But you did it. You did the hard stuff. You made some tough calls.

And you were better for it.

Much, much better.

Follow your heart.

Little Hints

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."

~Lao Tzu

I sit, cuddled with my puppy and a mug of hot tea, listening to the gentle songs and chirps of my little feathered friends. For the past couple of days they've been gathering- sitting on bare tree branches, pecking soggy ground, running under shrubs and searching for nesting materials.

How do they know? I wonder. What does a heartsong sound like?

Just the other day I counted 54 robins in the backyard. That's right. 54. I tried my best to be precise, but they scurried and danced and skipped all over the place, making my eyes strain and probably resulting in an errant conclusion. But, none-the-less, they were everywhere, practically taking over the lawns and landscapes of the neighborhood.

And then the snow fell. And some icy rain. And some pretty harsh winds screeched through the air.

I always find myself in a state of disbelief over the change from winter to spring. To me, it always appears so severe. The other seasons tend to blend into one another, offering plenty of time for nature's creatures to adjust and prepare. But spring- humm... spring is like running into your ex when you look like hell, and then assuming that it couldn't ever happen again, only to have it happen over and over.

Perhaps it's my sensitive heart, but I always worry about the animals and budding plants during this unkind transition. How anything can survive the multiple personalities of Spring continually amazes me. But, perhaps even more amazing, is the notion that not only do things survive, they flourish-- emerging into bright green leaves, lush ground coverings, plump birds and vibrant blossoms.

I almost see a theme, a moral, or a hidden lesson...Do you notice it, too?

Maybe we can all learn something from Spring. Maybe we can conclude that after harsh trials and difficult tests and uncomfortable situations come times of beauty and warmth and growth.

Maybe Summer is a time of reward for the struggles and inconsistencies of Spring.

Here's to new beginnings and beautiful change.

Life Poetry

My Life Poem

I am from skeins of yarn mixed with magical books.
From clicking needles and tangled string,
From vanilla candles, scenting the warm comforting air,
And a tiny fur-friend whimpering and snoring in delightful sleep,
I am from home- calm and peaceful, filled with creativity and love.

I am from church bells ringing to signal the day’s end.
From manicured green lawns and perfectly potted plants,
From freshly brewed java dancing through the air and the sharing of hugs and hellos,
From chirping birds and welcoming touches,
The understanding and acceptance make me feel whole.

I am from rolling hills of farmland and lots of maple trees.
From snowy ski resorts and miles of peaceful bike trails,
From the Kooser State Park swimming hole and Laurel Highlands hiking paths,
From the home of Steelers football and the Flight 93 memorial,
The changing seasons and close-knit relationships are part of who I am.

I am from purple mountains and spacious skies,
From the wondrous Grand Canyon and twinkling sparklers on the 4th of July,
From ordinary people who rise above the occasion and courageous soldiers who diligently fight for freedom,
From a united nation that looks past differences and a land of opportunity,
The freedoms and acceptance allow me to live without fear.

I am from persistence and hard work; my exterior is tough.
From driven German merchants and polite Englishmen,
From perfectionist carpenters and detail oriented cemetery caretakers,
From resourceful women who created loving homes and farmers who were one with the land.
A pure waterfall is what I am.

I am from a vision of internal peace and personal contentment.
From healthy ways of living and taking personal responsibility,
From calm demeanors and understanding personalities,
From education emerging as a priority and a renewed work ethic,
I envision a world where all people strive for success.

** ** ** **

I recently wrote these poems with my 6th grade English classes. I'm pleased to report that the students worked very hard and published some amazing poems. I'm so proud of them. It was beyond rewarding to see them so engaged. Yay, lovelies!

I wonder...

"Where ever you are, be there totally."

~Eckhart Tolle

Today, here at 403, is a most quiet day. We're all snug and taking some time to soak up the last hours of weekend. With the chores of out the way it's been an easy day- lots of reading and little odds and ends, such as cleaning make-up brushes.

Outside, snow flutters to the ground with a most gentle touch. It's so light and fluffy that one can almost hear the "whisp" of white landing on the daffodil bulbs pushing through a crunchy layer of dirt. Although it may be hard to believe, it is most definitely snowing-- and it's most definitely March 6th.

My life, as of late, has taken on a new feel. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I can tell you this-- things are different. I'm prepared and ready for a big change that's about to occur, and while I can't for sure say what that change is going to be, I can tell you that it's going to happen. How's that for being vague? ha.

I'm rather disappointed in myself. I've been taking graduate classes and working towards my Master's degree. However, I despise it. I've never felt so sure that I was wasting my time and/or watching hours of my life go down the tubes. I understand the whole idea of "continued education", but I have yet to feel, after numerous tries, that it's really worth it. I like what I do. No. Actually, I love what I do. Maybe I'm overly negative today, who knows. But I can tell you this. I love being a teacher. I love working with children. I love learning and gaining knowledge about new ideas. I despise grad school.

Recently, I've been spending hours reading. I'm engrossed in a few different books and all I really want to do, as of late, is make coffee and read. I've found myself interested in works by the Dali Lama and stories about people with Autism and Asperger's. I've traveled to Europe and been to the circus and taken a convertible road-trip to Florida. To say the least, my little adventures have been overly entertaining. No wonder I have such an affinity for literature.

I've also been knitting away-- making little booties for some of the sweetest mamas-to-be. Last week I had the awesome privilege of teaching the most darling lady to knit. After one lesson, she proved herself to have highly advanced skills. Lucky me, she brought along Starbucks. I can hardly wait for our next lesson together this Wednesday. I simply love passing along such a wonderful form of creativity and art.

And, I'd be amiss to finish this post without mentioning the fact that somewhere along the line I blinked and woke up to March. Really? Impossible.

Here's to ignoring the pointless work I should be doing and grabbing my newest book.

sinister grin.

A Quiet Sunday Morning

"Being in the moment involves giving maximum appreciation and love to your present experience."
~Sara Paddison

I'm not one to complain about winter. In fact, after my beloved autumn, it's my second favorite. But intertwined with the cool temperatures and cozy feelings, I do get the occasional hankering for sunshine and warmth and green foliage. Today emerged as one of those "hurry up spring" kind of days. I'm so lucky to live in a beautiful place that experiences each season. I really do get to have the best of all worlds.

This morning the sun cast a gentle glow on my pillow, forcing its way past the tightly closed blinds. I knew, just knew, that the day was going to be full of pretty and sunshine.

I grabbed Little One and headed to the kitchen to make some morning java.

Seeing the blue skies and puffy white clouds and listening to the drip, drip, drip of heavy icicles saying good-bye to their winter home, had me reaching for my summertime breakfast of toast and citrus. I don't really eat breakfast during the school year because, quite frankly, I sleep too late and toss my closet each morning. It's quite the scene.

But on this most beautiful Sunday morning, I took the time to make myself a delicious and wholesome breakfast. And then I stood at the counter and gazed at the sky. I observed three squirrels who appeared highly engaged in a game of freeze tag. I saw blades of grass poking through a thinning white blanket. I watched tree branches bend and sway as the wind performed a series of pirouettes. It was simple beauty at its best.

I never turned on the television. Geez- I didn't even reach for the newspaper. I did some thinking. I did some thanking. I even did some wishing.

And, Little One never left my side. Like mother, like dogger.

Sweetness

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly."

~Rose Franken

I had about 150 things, all of which were important, that I could have busied myself with tonight. But, do you think I did a one of them?

Nope. No. Not a chance.

What I did do included working out at the gym and making these delicious lollipops.

I'm trying to start some of my own traditions, and these Valentine's Day lollies have officially been added to the list.

Cinnamon and tutti frutti emerged as the flavors of the night.

I'm pretty much loving these lollies. They taste heavenly!

xo

A Total Nerd

"You can get all A's and still flunk life."

~Walker Percy

I've spent the entire day studying for my mid-term exam. As my reward, I'm about to take a small break to run a few errands and grab a coffee. I'm trying to reenact the old college days, which happened to be way more fun than the current grad school scene. Except rather than running errands, I would have treated myself to a shopping field-trip and dinner date with my roommate. Those were the days.

Today I wrote about 12 pages worth of abstracts and theories and philosophies. Now, I simply have to dedicate a few hours to really internalizing it all. Delightful.

I'm trying to keep my spirits and interest level up by using audaciously colored notebook paper and fancy pens. It's kinda working. If nothing else, at least my binder and notes look spiffy. wink.