Thursday, January 6, 2011


"Invest in yourself. You are worth it."
~Samantha Bradley

As the last of my pine scented candle burns, I'm left with the lingering feeling of Christmas- a feeling I'm not quite ready to let go of. But as a new day dawns, the new year is upon me and I find myself full of optimism and ready to tackle the challenges and adventures of a fresh set of 365 more days.

Isn't it odd, almost selfish and perhaps a tad presumptuous, to think that most of us never even question the fact that we might not really have 365 days? I mean, not to sound depressing, but I bet that many people make their New Year's resolutions and never even consider the notion of only having 165 days, or 326 days, or maybe just a mere 10 days.

Most people slug a few glasses of champagne, don party hats, set goals, join the gym, and then....zoommmm....they're off, thinking of routines and to-do lists and the next item of pressing business. It's life. It's human. And, it's totally normal.

But, what if? What if you had the amazing opportunity to create the life and person that you-- just you-- wanted for yourself? Set aside the lofty ambitions of your parents. Forget the wishes of your spouse. Toss aside the "keep up with the Joneses approach". Would you create the person you are today? Would you want to be the person you've grown up to be?

As I approach a new year and another decade of life, I find that I've become a bit too reflective, a tad over-the-top in my thinking. I see things happening and I hear specific discussions and I get nervous. I don't particularly care for the passing of time and I'd much prefer that it slow down a bit. My friends are parents to toddlers, I'm the power of attorney for my parents, I actually contemplate things like retirement plans, and I have a will. Truthfully, it makes me nauseous. It makes feel like painting my nails with purple glitter polish, pulling on my cupcake hat, and running outside to make a snow angel. Sometimes, I want to start over again. I want the world at my fingertips and the people I loved and cared about and totally took for granted all around me.

For me, I think it's crazy that I live so much in the past. I spend so much time there-- the past, that is. It's safe and warm and mostly pleasant.

I'm not big on New Year's resolutions-- I've told you that before. But what I am big on is growing- in whatever way (other than added pounds- ha!)- academically, artistically, emotionally, psychologically--whatever. Growing is good.

So, I vow to spend this year evolving, taking the things I currently do and approaching them with new vigor and zest. I hope let my love of living in the past continue to mesmerize and inspire me, but at the same time, I need to wrap it tightly in a snug, little quilt and allow it to slip into a peaceful slumber.

It's time for me to create my own story.


Maria said...

Beautiful thoughts Cathy. Evolve. I like that. You gave me a great deal to think about...Hmmmmmm.

I understand your thoughts about the past. That is what Christmas, Thanksgiving and Summer breaks are for me. A short trip into the past. Living at my parents' house, my siblings around. My two kids are just added fun to the week. Playing dolls and board games and building snowmen.(beach in the summer)

I think the past is good. It's the foundation for the future. Without the strong foundation, we'd crumble.

Happy New Year! Happy evolving!

Kim said...

Beautiful! So many times your writings are much like my thoughts! Thanks for putting into words how I feel.

Greta said...

OH how I want to be that person as well who takes everything in new perspective and really know what I want to be TODAY not.. replaying the past.

Miss you!

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